Posts tagged rant

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I think one of my most virulent dislikes of the Nice Guy(tm) is their expectation of a reward for displaying basic human decency.  ”I’m so nice, why aren’t women sleeping with me?”  In the immortal words of Chris Rock:  ”A [guy] will say some shit like, ‘I take care of my kids.’ You’re supposed to, you dumb motherfucker! What kind of ignorant shit is that? ‘I ain’t never been to jail!’ What do you want, a cookie?! You’re not supposed to go to jail, you low-expectation-having motherfucker!” 

This weight-loss thing is so frustrating.  Weight Watchers didn’t work at all for me, which was really annoying because it worked like crazy for my mom— she lost thirty pounds or something in a few months.  I did it for two months and the number on the scale did not move AT ALL.  Literally, I did not even lose so much as half a pound.  And all it was doing was making me miserable.  So I quit.  Because why bother.

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Once!  Just one time!  Just one time I would like to see an article about a feminist topic— most recently, especially concerning the gaming industry— where the first twenty comments are not some variation of “But what about the MEN?!”

What about US!  THE MEN!

WHAT ABOUT ME!

YOU KNOW WHAT, WE SHOULD REALLY BE TALKING ABOUT ME NOW

THIS IS REALLY GREAT AND WHATEVER BUT WHY ARE WE NOT TALKING MORE ABOUT ME

AND THE MEN

WHAT

ABOUT

THE

MEN

WE NEED TO TALK ABOUT ME PLEASE WE NEED TO TALK ABOUT THE MEN THAT IS WHAT IS REALLY IMPORTANT HERE

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHH

The next person who says “Well, video games portray men negatively too” or “That’s not a fair assessment of men who play video games” is getting a roundhouse kick directly to the teeth.

noneofusis:

lord-kitschener:

gothiccharmschool:

Faux pockets are an abomination. If you’re going to bother putting pocket flaps on something, add the G-d damn pockets. 

No love, 

Jilli

And make the pockets deeper, you soulless bastards. 

And give me a fucking dress with pockets.

And while you’re at it, a t-shirt that I can wear in summer that isn’t FUCKING SEE-THROUGH

UGH THIS why is “sheer” the new thing?!  I don’t want to buy a shirt that I have to buy another shirt to wear underneath!  STOP.  IT.  And enough with the crop tops, this isn’t 1995, Spice Girls are no longer cool, and nobody looks good in those except the models who sell them!  BECAUSE THEY’RE MODELS, DUH.

(via ayemurray)

These people on Craigslist.  Oh my god.  Do they actually want people to be interested in the apartments they are trying to rent?!  SHEESH.  Things that annoy me about these ads:

1.  Ads with no photos and no description, just “Single family home.”  ”Condo.”  Oh, well okay.  That tells me absolutely nothing.

2.  Ads with photos and description, but no location— just “Pittsburgh.”  Well, hoss, that encompasses a VERY LARGE AREA!  This is my least favorite, actually.  THAT IS BASIC INFORMATION.  IF YOUR APARTMENT IS LOCATED IN FAR FAR AWAY/THE PROJECTS, I AM NOT INTERESTED.  Do not waste both of our time by not saying where the place IS.

3.  4RentPittsburgh, which words its headlines very nicely, then you go to their page and they’re like “You want to see our rentals?  HA HA!  YOU PAY FEE NOW!”  No.

4.  People who just copy and paste the information they gave to their insurance company.  Wood frame, shingle roof, central heat, built 1930.  No photos, no location.

5.  One photo, and it’s of a window.

6.  This is more of a funny thing, but— misplaced adjectives.  ”Capacious.”  ”Gracious.”  ”Blatantly large.”  ”Perspicacious.”  ”Commodious.”  ”Staggering.”  Dude, come on.

7.  Lakefront property?  Where the F is there a lake in Pittsburgh? 

8.  Ads that are obviously misplaced— I searched “Pittsburgh,” why is this ad for an apartment in Ashland, Ohio?  Or why would you post and say “cats and dogs OK” but your actual ad says “no pets?”  Don’t you think I’d be looking for an apartment that allowed pets for a reason?

9.  Ads for 3-bedroom, 2-bathroom, remodeled homes that are OMG SO AMAZING and yet, inexplicably, $525 a month.  Yeah, what’s the catch?  (It’s in the ghetto/it’s haunted/there’s a vermin issue/their mother died in the upstairs bedroom/etc.)

I suppose I should be glad for all this ridiculous, puffed-up rhetoric coming from the right.  Especially Mitt Romney’s definitive stance regarding Rush Limbaugh’s recent comments (“Those aren’t the words I would have used.”).  Way to take a stand there, Mittens.

But I suppose I should be glad, because women vote, a lot of them, more women than men actually, and I am pretty sure that most women are not really going to take kindly to the message that if you care about birth control, it is only because you are a wanton, filthy slut.

So thank you, right wing.  Thank you for handing us this election.

When will people stop acting like Planned Parenthood is just one big, baby-eating abortionplex?  To ignore all the good they do is to say “We don’t give a shit about women’s health.  We don’t care about preventing STI’s, breast exams, pelvic exams, uterine health, providing contraception that helps prevent unwanted pregnancies, or anything else.  All we care about is that women are baby factories and we need to keep it that way.”  So I mean, at least admit that, because you’re an asshole either way.  Someone actually said that all the good they do can’t make up for the lives they’re taking.

I’m just tired of men* saying “Well you can get a pelvic exam anywhere.”  No.  No, you can’t.  When’s the last time you had a pelvic exam?  Oh wait, this is a silly question.  You don’t have a vagina.  You can’t have a pelvic exam.  When’s the last time you needed birth control, but couldn’t afford it?  Oh right, birth control apparently isn’t your responsibility.  Have you ever had a mammogram, or panicked because you had a lump in your breast and didn’t have health insurance?  No, you haven’t.  Sometimes Planned Parenthood is the only option women— especially poor women and women in rural areas— have, and to take that away says “We don’t care about your health, and we don’t care to realize the realities of female-specific care.  All we care about is that you make babies, whether you want them or not.”

*I should add that I, of course, do not mean “all men,” I mean specifically the ones who say these things and then try to make laws about them.

I just had a real-time run-in with a man who insisted that, while he didn’t think it was okay for a man to put his hands on a woman, women who “dressed like sluts” and “danced like strippers” and “went to bars” deserved whatever they got, and that they were “asking for it,” and then, when confronted with cool and pointed arguments from two women, first began condescendingly, saying we were exaggerating, putting words in his mouth, and that he was a “logician” and was “perfectly capable of making a sound and valid argument.”  But when his own quoted words were used against him and the same cold logic was used to dissect his arguments, he decried one of the women as a “stupid cunt who just wanted to feel bad for herself,” lamented women “crying about their oppression,” and laughed about how we “obviously were looking for someone to take our frustration out on.”

Sigh.  The nice thing was, he really put his ass out there as a misogynist idiot, and nobody jumped in to defend him.  In a thread with more than 90 comments, nobody said anything aside from statements of support for the “you’re a misogynist and your argument is faulty” side.  So there.  *phhbbbtttt*

They’re awful.  Ugh, so terrible.  I read Allure, but it’s straight-up a review-of-makeup-and-fashion magazine and stops short of “here’s how to please your man” and “you’re 22, better start using the wrinkle cream.”  Women’s magazines seem to send the message that you can always be better, that you are never good enough:  that you need to be prettier, younger, thinner, have a better hair color, wear nicer lipstick, be a better wife, mother, girlfriend.

Women’s magazines seem to center exclusively around appearance and sex.  Your self-worth is based on how good you are at sex with a man, and it makes men seem like big dumb oafs who will leave you for a younger, hotter woman the instant you put on your mascara wrong or can’t pull his underwear off with your teeth.  If you get so much as a wrinkle, other women won’t respect you and a man will never touch you again.  

Women are under so much pressure to be perfect and to be everything to everyone that regular things they do for themselves are carefully worded to seem like indulgences.  How many magazines have you read that advise a woman to be SINFULLY, WICKEDLY INDULGENT and to ENJOY A GUILT-FREE bath, or scented lotion, or a tiny piece of chocolate?  A fucking bath, really?  Why are women so wracked with anxiety and guilt over doing anything for themselves, that they enjoy, that taking a goddamn bath or eating chemically-chocolate-flavored yogurt has to be thought of as something they REALLY DESERVE and something over-the-top that they’re rewarding themselves with?  Fucking yogurt?  Come on, I like it just as much as the next guy, but I don’t consider it an “indulgence.”  We’re so inculcated with the idea that we’re supposed to be living to please everyone else— our parents, our husbands/boyfriends, our kids— that spending time on ourselves makes us bad, makes us feel guilty, so we have to think of even sitting in a tub of hot water as a special occasion, that we have to justify and rationalize eating a piece of chocolate because we’re getting pleasure from it that doesn’t involve also pleasing someone else.

Men’s magazines don’t do anyone any favors either.  They paint women as these mysterious creatures that you just need to placate so you can have sex with them.  It rarely seems to be concerned with her feelings or anything else she’s interested in, it just seems like all their advice to men is just “do whatever she wants and do nice things for her, not because you like her, but because that’s the only way she’ll let her fuck you.”  The end goal is always “getting your dick wet,” not “having a meaningful relationship.”  I mean… I know there are guys who are really just interested in fucking as many women as possible, but good heavens, they are not the norm.  At least, the guys I know are looking for a good relationship with a woman they can really connect with and have fun and share things with, not just a vagina and a set of boobs that occasionally whines at him.

GAH, SOCIALLY-PRESCRIBED GENDER ROLES.

A lot of my male friends have asked me, “Rape culture?  What is that?  What does that mean?”  I want them to know, because a) they want to know and b) they think it’s important enough to ask.  It is important, and I want them to know, so I’m going to outline it here.  This post is inspired by Shakesville’s “Rape Culture 101” post, which goes into more detail than I will here but is worth a read anyway.  I don’t much care for the emotional pandering of that particular blog, but their 101 posts are quite decent and informative.

So, in brief(ish):  Rape Culture:  An Introduction

Rape culture encourages male sexual aggression.  It is a culture which regards violence as “sexy” (note the scare quotes!) and equates sexuality with violence.  It is a culture which makes men out to be uncontrollable animals who cannot resist the temptations of a beautiful woman, and whose urge to slam her against a wall, a fence, a car hood, a bed, a couch, a dresser, a desk, and have his way with her is regarded as sexy.

Rape culture is a culture in which rape is treated as a compliment, where a woman should be flattered by the fact that she has inspired, in a man, a bestial rage to dominate and control her because presumably, she is so attractive that he could not help himself.  (This does not apply to sexual practices between consenting adults.  What you like to do is your business.)  Rape culture paints men as animals who can barely control their raging sexuality and who will rape women and cheat on their wives and girlfriends, given half a chance, who can’t help but stare at nubile young women and who absolutely cannot be expected to keep their dick in their pants as soon as a lady’s present.

Rape culture treats heterosexuality as the ultimate norm, where homosexual and other sexuality is grouped in with other non-consensual sexual situations such as pedophilia or bestiality.  Rape culture treats heterosexual sex as the only acceptable form of sex because gender roles are observed:  the woman is the submissive receptor of sex; the man is the dominant, controlling (giver?  administrator?) of sex.

Rape culture is rape used as a weapon; whether it is rape of women from the opposing side in a war or “corrective” rape of lesbians to “cure” them of their homosexuality.

Rape culture also includes men.  1 in 33 men will be sexually assaulted in their lifetime.  It encourages men to use the language of rape to establish dominance over each other (“I’ll make you my bitch.”).  Rape culture legitimizes the threat of being raped in prison as a deterrent to committing federal crimes.

1 in 6 women will be sexually assaulted in their lifetimes.  Many women are assaulted multiple times.  Rape culture encourages the environment in which the threat of sexual assault affects women’s daily lives:  what to wear, with whom to go out, whom to trust, where to walk, when to walk there, to wonder if you need someone to walk you to your car, whom you can trust to walk you to your car, what you are carrying, how you carry it, with whom you speak, with whom you make eye contact, what you wear, how short your skirt is, how high your heels are, how low-cut your shirt is, with whom you sleep, how many people you sleep with, how much to drink, with whom you can drink, to wonder if you should call a friend to stay with you because the cable guy is coming over, to wonder if you should let the cable guy in the house while you are alone, to own a dog, to own mace, to own pepper spray, to own a whistle, to take self-defense classes, to always be alert, to always walk through a parking garage carrying your keys arranged so they jut out between your knuckles, to not look at your phone, to not talk on your phone or text, to be aware of your surroundings at all times, to never let your guard down for even a moment, because if you do, you might be raped, and because you didn’t follow the rules, many people might think it was your fault, because since you weren’t following the rules, you were just asking for it.

Rape culture is a culture which places the burden of avoiding sexual assault on the victim rather than expecting the perpetrator not to rape.  It tells women it is their job not to be raped, rather than telling men they should not rape people.  Rape culture admonishes women to use common sense, to be responsible, to be chaste and pure, to be aware of strangers, to avoid certain places, or to dress a certain way, instead of telling men that rape is not okay, and teaching them the difference between consent and “too drunk to say no” or “coercion” (which, by the way, is not consent).

Rape culture blames a woman for her own rape, because she was somehow “asking for it.”  She was flirting, wore revealing clothing, drank too much, went somewhere alone at night, or has had sex with multiple partners in the past.  

Rape culture is the idea that wives cannot be raped.  That sex workers cannot be raped.  That only “nice girls” can be raped, and for girls who have had sex before, that “rape” is actually just “surprise sex you didn’t know you wanted (but you did because you’ve had sex before).”  It is the idea that women who have had multiple partners are not discerning and are just available to be used for sex, and that since they have had sex with others, “rape” is not an applicable term.

Rape culture is a judge blaming a child for their own rape, or accusing a hostage of enjoying being imprisoned and used for sex.  Rape culture spends enormous amounts of time justifying a rapist’s acts, instead of blaming the rapist for rape.

Rape culture is boys under 10 years old thinking they are entitled to sex with women and raping girls their own age.

Rape culture is the refusal to acknowledge that the only thing in common of victims of rape is bad luck.  That they had the shitball luck to be in the same room as a rapist.  Rapists rape everyone:  fat, skinny, ugly, pretty, Jewish, black, white, Asian, smart, dumb, short, tall, deaf, blind, mute, on crutches, in cars, walking, skating, sleeping, married, single, promiscuous, virgins, ANYONE.

Rape culture is people rushing to defend those accused of rape whose job it is to protect you:  coaches, priests, teachers, police officers, firefighters, etc.

Rape culture is the pervasive idea that women are always raped by strangers, despite statistical evidence that women are three times more likely to be raped by someone who knows them and is close to them than by a stranger or by someone they just met.  It is the idea that women are more likely to be raped on the street or outside a bar than they are in their own home, in the home of a friend, at a party with friends, or on a date.

Rape culture is the pervasive idea that women often accuse men of rape for revenge, because they were caught cheating, or because they want attention, when in reality, sixty-one percent of rapes go unreported.  It is the idea that if a woman waits to report a rape, it is because she is fabricating the rape, rather than the reality that reporting a rape is an enormous personal investment that may cost her her friends, family, reputation, money, respect, self-esteem, and gain only a poor reputation, shame, humiliation, embarrassment, and pain.

Rape culture treats women’s bodies as public property, to be gawked at, commented on, touched, grabbed, poked, or tickled.  It views subway groping or peeping toms or street harassment as things women just should be less sensitive about, rather than placing them where they belong— on a continuum of sexual assault.  It equates women’s raped bodies to a man walking through a bad neighborhood playing on his iPhone while he counts all the cash in his pockets.  Rape culture is the environment that causes men to be so far removed from the concept of being raped that the closest appropriation they can muster is having their wallet stolen.  It is one where since sexual harassment does not happen to their sisters, wives, girlfriends, or friends, when they’re around, they don’t believe that it happens.

Rape culture is one which considers enthusiastic, informed consent and reluctant consent or consent given only after persistence and coercion as the same thing.  Rape culture is that which makes men unable to differentiate between sexual harassment and a compliment.  It encourages an ass grab or a veiled sexual threat as flattery.

Rape culture is rape jokes on t-shirts, in TV and movies, on the Internet, in casual conversation, in magazines and newspapers, and using the word “rape” to describe situations that do not involve forcible sexual contact (“That baggage fee really raped me,” “I got raped on my performance review.”).

So there you have it.  This is rape culture, and it is a part of our world, in 2011, every day, on every corner of the earth.